nine things i wish i knew when i was living in the uk.

Hello peeps!

How are you? Hoping you’re in the best health. I just completed my HM last weekend! Absolutely chuffed with the success. Will share with you on the journey on my next post.

I was looking at my calendar today, and it’s been nearly 11 years since I moved from Malaysia to the UK for study and work. Yet, after all this time, I still remember vividly what it means to be British.

You would think that transitioning from one Malay-speaking country to another English-speaking country would be pretty straightforward. In many ways, it was, thanks to the overwhelming kindness of the Brits who welcomed me with open arms.

But there are many differences between Malaysian English and British English that I wish I had known before I crossed the pond.

Whether you’re considering moving to the UK or just heading over for a visit, here I share some tips to help you fit in with the locals and get the full English experience.

one. MY vs UK English 

Just because we can speak English - thanks to our 11 years of learning English in school, does not mean that we are able to speak the same language. Innocent differences, like mispronouncing Leicester (Less-ter) Square, are harmless foibles. It’s the naughty words that can get you into trouble!

I learned this lesson the hard way when I went to the gym for the first time, and my water bottle spilt over my sports attire. I leapt up and gasped: “Ohhh! My pants are all wet!”

Everyone on the treadmills area within earshot burst out into hysterical laughter. I was so upset. Why was everyone being so mean when they could see my clothes were ruined?

Then some lad explained. In the UK, those things you wear over your legs are called trousers and “pants” are underwear. So, when I breathlessly announced my pants were wet, I proclaimed to the entire pub that something very inappropriate was happening!

When I realised my mistake, I wanted to hang myself with my bare hands out of embarrassment.

Of course, now I get the joke and can look back and laugh. But it turns out that plenty of words mean one thing in Malaysia, but something completely different in the UK.

I won’t go into them here to spare you from clutching your pearls with shock. I’ll point out that the English language is a minefield between our cultures.

Mind that we are so used to American English - thanks to all the TV series we're watching growing up. The differences are pretty obvious.

So, do yourself a favour and search the internet for “the differences between British and American English” before you head over so you don’t have to suffer the same humiliating fate I did.

two. master the art of great conversation. 

I’m often asked, “What’s the biggest difference between Malaysia and the UK?” I always reply, “The conversation.”

When in KL, my conversations with friends focused on weight loss, gym routines, relationships and work.

When I lived in the UK, it took me over a year to notice that nobody seemed to care or want to discuss these subjects. When I brought them up, my UK friends politely changed the subject! Why?

When I stopped talking and started listening, I discovered that people in Britain talk about everything from the weather to deeply personal stories. They even talk about things we normally think are off-limits, such as world events, news, politics and religion.

But what I love most is their ability to connect in a completely different way. They share their opinions and have challenging conversations without raising their voices or fighting unless they are talking about soccer (known in the UK as “football”) in which case, all bets are off.

So, next time you’re in the UK, try to go outside your conversational comfort zone!

three. look out for British humour.

My friends back home tell me I’ve become much funnier since moving back from the UK. I’m unsure if that means I am funny now or if I’ve just graduated from telling bad dad jokes.

Either way, I’ll take it.

So, what changed? Well, thanks to many years of my British friends constantly “taking the mickey” out of me (i.e. making fun of me lovingly), I’ve learned all about irony and sarcasm.

In Malaysia, our go-to humour tends to be slapstick. We like our comedy to be big, bold and direct. But Brits have a very subtle, self-deprecating and dry sense of humour.

If you don’t pay close attention, you completely miss it. I know I did! It took me years to figure it out (and I’m still learning). I felt like Sheldon Cooper on “The Big Bang Theory,” always needing to check, “Was that sarcasm?” Yes, it was.

So don’t let those charming accents fool you. These British have a wicked sense of humour and will use it to poke fun at you and everyone else.

Feel free to poke fun and laugh at yourself if you want to join in. Not only does it show a bit of humility, it’s ironically a great way to build your self-confidence.

four. let the chocolate change your life. 

If you’re Malaysian, you likely grew up thinking that Hershey, Snickers and Mars are the kings of chocolate goodness. Then you move or visit the UK and Europe, try a bit of Cadbury’s or Charbonnel et Walker, and quickly learn that your entire life has been a giant lie.

There are no words to explain how silky, smooth and delicious chocolate is here on this side of the pond.

Even your favourite snacks like KitKats and M&Ms taste infinitely better in Britain. Apparently, it’s because the UK requires that companies use less oil and preservatives and more natural milk and cocoa in their products.

Whatever the reason, my advice is … come with a half-empty suitcase and forget the diet, because once you have tasted British and European chocolate, it will change your life.

five. restaurant etiquette.

I always loved the movie musical “My Fair Lady,” where Eliza Doolittle is a disadvantaged girl from London who is transformed into a cultured woman of high society.

Little did I know that I’d have many of my own Eliza Doolittle moments, especially when it came to dining out at fancy restaurants with business colleagues.

I was in my 20s and eager to impress my ex-boss. However, whenever we went out to eat, I could see everyone giving me weird looks at the table. It wasn’t just the people at work; it was nearly everywhere I ate.

At first, I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong. But then I realised that I was eating my food differently.

Everyone else, including kids, all kept their fork turned upside down in their left hand and their knife in their right hand. Meanwhile, I was cutting up all of my food into bite-sized pieces, putting down the knife, and then using my fork in my right hand to shovel food into my mouth like an excavator!

It turns out that my dining style is very common and normal in other parts of the world, but around the rest of the world, it’s not only improper dining etiquette. It’s not very clear. I might as well have been Ariel when she picked up the fork and used it as a hairbrush in “The Little Mermaid.”

Don’t get me wrong; no one will be mean to you or make you feel bad about how you eat. They will just be utterly baffled by how you use utensils.

It’s completely up to you how you want to use your fork and knife, but if you’re like me, you might want to sneak in a quick YouTube tutorial so that you know your options.

six. let the Brit win.

There’s going to be lots of debates about whether to add that extra “u” in words like favourite or whether tin foil is pronounced “ah loo min um” or “ah loo min ee um.”

I made the mistake of trying to make a case for the Malaysia English versions of all these things.

At the end of the day, you will lose all of these debates. The British brought the English language to America you see. Their spelling and pronunciation is “right.” Resistance is futile.

seven. don’t wear all black. 

Elegant fashion is all black. We love it! It’s timeless, it’s slimming, it’s easy to coordinate, it’s perfection!

When I brought my black wardrobe to London, I thought I would wow everyone with my sophisticated style. Instead, I was asked, “Are you going to a funeral?” thrice daily, (sigh).

I quickly learned I needed to lighten up my wardrobe. So, I went into fashion rehab and built my wardrobe with colourful looks. Now, I save my little black dresses for the sad and sombre events and show off my edgy looks in the UK.

My little brother loves wearing black. I hope he gets this message about why I'm not keen on wearing black.

eight. yeah?

Every language has filler words that people use to ensure the listener is still paying attention. In Malaysia, people tend to say, “You know what I mean-tak?” or “You know-lah?”. In the UK, they say, “Yeah?”

When I first started working in the UK office, I did not know about “Yeah?”

There was a senior manager who would literally say “yeah?” at the end of every sentence. When he spoke to me, I thought he was asking me if I understood, so I kept replying, “Yeah!” in an enthusiastic way.

I thought he thought I was an idiot, so my replies would become more and more confident. “Yeah!” “Yes!” “I got it!” "100%" But he would keep saying it.

It became like the Abbott and Costello “Who’s on first” skit or a crazy verbal ping-pong match. “Yeah?” “Yeah!!!!!!” “Yeah?” “YES!!!!”

Eventually, I figured it all out, but I sure wish someone had let me in on this little idiosyncrasy. You know what I mean?

nine. make time for tea. 

While Malaysians or are partial to coffee - thanks to the booming coffee culture, Londoners definitely prefer tea. It’s the cornerstone of all life in the UK.

According to the UK Tea and Infusions Association, Brits drink over 100 million cups daily and 36 billion cups per year! Which is insane for a country of only 67 million people!

Tea is literally the answer to all of your problems here. Tummy not feeling well? Have a cup of tea. Break up with your boyfriend? Tea. It’s 3 p.m. and you need a break? Put the kettle on, it’s time for a cup of tea.

Of course, they don’t say “cup of tea” over here, they shorten the phrase to “cuppa”. The first time I was asked, “Fancy a cuppa?” I imagine I looked like a deer in headlights.

I’ve since learned there is more than one type of tea. So, here’s a quick guide on the essentials. English Breakfast is a black tea. Darjeeling, Assam, and Ceylon teas are different strengths of black tea. “Builder’s Tea” is basically a strong English Breakfast tea.

If you want the fancy stuff or want to give tea as a gift, I recommend Harrods or Fortnum and Mason (The King’s Grocer), which all have vast selections and experts to help you find the perfect blend for your tastebuds. Oddly, iced tea isn’t a thing over here.

And whatever you do, for the love of goodness, DO NOT MENTION LIPTON OR BOH TEA! You’ll be banished and sent back to your home country immediately!

Hope the tips help you when you’re travelling up to the UK and get to know the brit.

I will speak to you soon in the next post.

Take care,
Emir xx